Parent training

My daughter's school parent training starts today.  3 hours each week for three week.  It landed on the group meeting time so I end up taking the PTO for those hours and then make up the hour later at night.  On top of that, I am running a low fever, which makes my head turns into a bucket of water, every time I move, it feels like jello inside, and it hurts. However, the training is rather interesting. The thing about parenting is that it didn't come with a manual, so it is nice to get this free training from school and you might be able to apply that later at other environment.

This is a completely child center school.  The basic philosophy is that children are naturally curious, so if we provide the support and nurturing environment, they will blossom.  Whether the flower came out to be the kind you like is a different story, but they will blossom. We, the parents and teachers,  should respect them as individuals, appreciate their uniqueness, tuning to their needs, allowing them to grow at their own pace and trusting their good will when the behavior occurs. They emphasize on the whole child approach. Their emotional growth is just as important as academic and art.  So it is OK to eat in the time originally scheduled for math or art if they needed to take a longer time to hash out the emotional conflicts rise during recess, because emotional growth is just as important. They want the children have a safe environment to express themselves and explore.  They will not be judge for their capabilities, but instead, their efforts.   They encourage cooperation rather than competition.  I think that last part really turn some parents away from enrolling in this school.

OK, easier said then done, right?

There is also an interesting discussion on what the difference between encouragement and praise.  In this school philosophy, praise is less desirable than encouragement. Why?

Because praise is external and a reward.  It focuses on the end product.  It is result of comparison to others. When you praise, you are judging. As a result, children's self worth depends on others, and wanted more and more praise.  Some fears not being praised and became afraid to try when things become difficult.

Encouragement however is a gift. It focus on progress and effort and is very specific.  Children learn to appreciate their own special qualities and feel capable, loved and appreciated.

So what is the language of encouragement?

We want the encouragement to describe the specific. It acknowledges effort.  It notices the uniqueness and looks for the positive. It is important not to give and then take away.  I find this particular point especially important because I tent to do that. Instead of saying "you must feel like a big girl putting the shoes on yourself, but let me fix it;". You can always tell the second part later.

So how do I apply all I learned in the class at home even though it is meant for the classroom?

I tell my daughter at night when she is practicing piano that she tried very hard to play this difficult new song.  I told her I notice she had curve her finger 5 better than last week when she move her fingers closer to the edge of the key. I told her it is OK it isn't perfect yet because the recital still 1 month out, she'd be really good by then.  I told her sympathetically that those transition from natural note to sharp note are really hard and I couldn't do the half of what she does.   Did it worked?  For most part of the night, she didn't fuss too much.  However,  at the end, when she is tired and losing her core strength, it is the fried lima beans push her through the finishing line.  1 song 1 bean.  *grind* Philosophy always worked better on paper.