Random thoughts during the days of sickness

I have to guiltily admit that I actually enjoyed the last few days of being sick.  You probably think, what? How can having a fever of 104 degree and then finally be put on medication because it turns into Bronchitis be enjoyable.

Here is why.

I haven't gotten a fever this high in many many years.  That also gives me no excuse of stopping. I am always running around. Even during holidays and vacations. I have to make plans, I have to get things ready, then I have to do things.  Let's take dinner as example.  Even we were go out to eat,  I will always be the one pick the restaurant or make the reservation.  I am not sure why that responsibility always fall on me.  It always gets me mad during the days when I go to work, with the rest of the family had the holiday,  they called me at work and ask "what do we do about dinner?". 

I guess what I am trying to say is that  I am constantly on the role of care giver instead of being cared for,  Till now.  I can no longer do much with the 104 degree fever because my head felt like water ballon filled up to the extreme.  Any small movement will cause it to explode.  So I stay in bed, like a baby, waiting to be fed, and waiting to be medicated.  Too bad I don't have much appetite, otherwise, I would have ordered a breakfast in bed :-P

In sickness I also got a chance to prove that I am truly bi-lingual.  According to my husband, when I talk in my dream in my feverish night (or was I just hallucinating) , half is in Mandarin and the the half is in English.  He thinks half of the time I was talking to my daughter (Mandarine), the other half to my son (English). 

When the fever drop a bit to some reasonable number like 102 degree with the help of Tyleno, I was able to read some pages of "Eat, Pray Love : One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia" I picked up from Costco among the groceries for $9.99.  So far I haven't move beyond the Italy part.  OK, it is annoying to hear this women had no real problem making a drama out of her self-wanted divorce and a failing adultery (she is technically still married when she fall in love with the new lover) and then escape to Italy for a year, doing nothing but eating gelato and good food on a pre-assigned $2000K book deal.  I just have no patience with that kind of whining.  

However,  one thing did resonant with me a little bit is how she one night, one of her hysterical crying nights, started talking to GOD. It helped her pass through the difficult time.  I do have  my own talk with GOD once a while when I am in distress although I am not religious.  My spiritual believes is much like how the author described.   I don't really belong in any particular form of religion but yet I believe in the existence of a super natural power who is all mighty and powerful and sees the greater picture.

Most of the time my conversation with the supreme being is in the form like a bargain rather than a pray I am afraid.  I normally don't take rejection too well, so to pray in a form of bargaining will make me feel I still have something to hold on to should the pray is not answered. Plus I truly believe the Yin and Yang are always balanced, and energy always flow from one form to another,  so you won't get anything for nothing. So present my request to GOD in a bargaining form kind of offers what I can afford ahead of time so hopefully GOD won't randomly take aways something else that may cause other heartache after fixing the existing one.  Since no book I read formulates how one should pray,  I'll do what makes me comfortable and GOD is loving and kind and he will understand my twisted logic even though it is not logical.

So that is what I end up praying/bargaining for when I was sick.  I would not mind prolonging the suffering of this illness a little bit longer, so my son can be a little bit less autistic.  I specifically mention I do not want to trade anyone else's health in this matter, but only mine because otherwise it will be selfish and even close as my family, their things are not mine to trade anyway.  So you see? I ask for it when I got diagnose with Bronchitis, so I couldn't complain, could I?

As for my son, he got a haircut over the weekend at a real haircut place, cooperatively, for the first time in his life. Too bad that I was too sick to be there to witness that. According to my husband,  he will lowered his head when he was told and then peek in the mirror, eager to know how it turns out. His hair came back so handsomely short and sweet and he smiles when I told him what a good looking haircut he got.

Now, can I trade a kidney for his complete recovery, as to live a normal healthy independent life? Or does it take more than that.  I have to give a bit more thought.

Here is an OOTD right before I fell sick. I was going to retake the picture that evening without the coat to show off the gold sweater with the red rusted skirt because that was the color combo I liked. but then I was down by afternoon and never got around to do that.

Top: Gap scoopneck Tee

Cardi: JCREW Cashmere femme cardigan in gold

Coat: JCREW stadium coat

Bottom: Anthropologie Hop Skip Jump Skirt

Shoes: J-41 boots

The superior mother

Wall Street Journal published this article by Amy Chua titled "Why Chinese mother are superior" and people are talking about it.   The reaction has flooded our company's parent mailing list and also coffee room discussion.  It is very interesting to see the different sides o debate.

I don't know any Chinese mother who is like what she described. I don't even know any Chinese mother in China does that.   Personally I felt this whole generalizing Chinese mother thing is a business strategy to sell her book and for that reason and that reason alone, I am going to wait for the library copy if my curiosity peeks.  I felt that she already exploit me somewhat by stating things that obviously not a fact and I refused to be exploited further :-)

So what is all those nonsense about no playmate or having sleep over and what is wrong with getting a part in a school play?  I had to beg the teacher to let me see my daughter's class rehearse because we wont' be able to attend the final performance with an previously booked flight which will cost $1000 to alter for the family of 4.  I think parents are just generally proud of their children as long as they are putting their mind into the things.  How well or what they do is less relevant.

I do see myself pushing my daughter to practice and not given up, however I think western parents push for the same thing. Discipline is what gets you to achieve a higher level for any interest you would have weather it is sport or music instrument, with the likelihood of Chinese parents pushing music instrument more and western parents push sports more.  At young age children lack of the motivation to drive themselves and those are the time they need a lot of encouragements and external motivation to help them over the hump.

In any case, parenting does not come with a Manual.  Learning on the job isn't easy  and I think all the parents doing it by trial and error.  Amy Chua's kid is still small, for her to claim victory is a bit too early.  Chinese philosophy also believes that the good things can go bad and bad things can go good, there was never the absolute.  What measures success is highly questionable and happiness comes in variation of forms.  To say my daughter achieve this and that as a measure of good parenting, I am not so sure.

This article do make me think about what I want to achieve as a parent.  So here is my expectation for my daughter when she grew up:

• general good health, 
• respectful for herself and others, well mannered
• financially self-sufficient and content
• remain close relationship with the family members
• have a healthy hobby she enjoys or express herself
• self-motivated and self-discipline to learn
• responsible
• Optimistic

Hope I am not asking too much. Here I leave you a picture of the superior mother with her superior daughter ;-)  It is funny when we took the picture my daughter say "Mommy, I think you are the most beautiful.  Do you think I am most beautiful?" "Of course" I said, "and most lovable and cutest and most special" Then she got carried away and say "and Daddy is the most handsome and Aaron is most handsome....."

Top: JCREW Silk Tied Crew neck 

Bottom Anthro For Flora Skirt (2009)

Unexpected Gift

An unexpected package came today.  It is from buy.com addressing to my hubby.

"Did you buy another PS3 move controller?  It is here." 

Then to my surprise, it is not.  It is a GIFT for me.  and Guess what is it?

A MOUSE! A computer mouse, again!!!!

I am utterly speechless.....

Last year hubby got me a mouse for Christmas.  It was a Microsoft Arc mouse.  It is white and futuristic looking.  I enjoyed it while it lasted.  Before the holiday season ended, it disappeared in the house.  We checked here, there, and everywhere, and it was no place to be found.  We don't know if kids had been mess around with it, but then we had checked many obscure place such as my daughter's closet. I think it might turn up one day if we move one day, but then it is going to be a long time before we move again.

Conveniently, for Valentines day, he got me another mouse...from apple.  I had a gotten a refresh computer and I had chosen to go with a Mac.   He really thought it would be the most perfect gift...After some testing, I find the mouse lacking.  If it is a mac mouse from apple,  I expect it at least can do all the fancy moves the build in touch pad has, right? It doesn't.  It does a subset.  And the feel and touch are awkward and the price is unreasonable high.  I told him, I do love the disappeared Microsoft mouse.   Maybe we can exchange for the same one?

But that model sold out at the time, or maybe the deal is gone?  So a bluetooth mouse came instead.  LogicTech this time.  It is nice because it doesn't take up one of the two USB port.  I need one to connect to the monitor at work and another one I have to share between the mouse and the iphone sync cable.  Now with a bluetooth mouse, I didn't have that kind of competition any more.  However, it stinks once a while, after coming from hibernation, the mouse would not sync up with the computer so I end up having to reboot.  Granted that Mac is better in terms of boot up time comparing to a PC, it is still a pain.  Whenever that happens, I complain.

I must had complained a lot!  So this latest arrival is a Kensington baby.  Boy, it is tiny, even for my small hand.  Well, at least there is no sync problem any more since it is a USB mouse.  "I just couldn't resist it.  It is only $15." Hubby confessed.  Just like a girl couldn't resist a good clothing sale, A guy couldn't resist anything techie on sale.... even it is just a mouse.

They said, it is the thought that counts. Somehow I am wishing the thoughts goes to things more traditional, such as jewelry, handbag, clothing, or perfume type of girly thingy.

Here is an OOTD

Dress: Anthro Grand Island Dress (Never really figure out what to do with the collar, but I still like it)
Cardigan: Anthro City Garden Cardigan
Belt: Gap
Legging: Anthro

Disaster Preparation

It feels the world is coming to the end sometimes.  Earthquakes, wild fire, so many natural disasters and so close to home.  It was freaky that last Thursday night, I dreamt all night about a fire coming our way and I was desperately to evacuate the things.  The next morning, first thing I heard about is the San Bruno explosion and fire that happened the evening  before although I didn't hear the news in anyways

Having a disaster so close to home make me think of how little I am prepared for disasters. I think in the next few weeks I need to:

1. Pack a go bag.
2. Store food that does not require refrigeration
3. Store 12 gallon water in total.
4. Call a handy man to fasten all the bookcases
5. Find a data storage site that is away from our city to upload documents and pictures.

Things in the Go bag:

• Pictures of each family member.
• coins for pay phone and small changes
• flash light
• swiss army knife
• some food/water
• a set of change cloth for everyone
• whistle
• a set of contact lens
• list of emergency contact
• tooth brush and tooth paste
• battery operated radio and batteries
• health insurance card and doctor contact
• first aide kit
• allergie medicine
• duct tape?
• extra keys to house and car

Things remember to grab before we go: 

Security blankets for the kids

Anything I'm missing anything major?