Happy Friday!

It was a hot week.  It is as if the summer was delayed.  My hair and face got extra oily because of the heat. I felt fat, I felt hot, I felt ugly, and I was in a restless mood. Another reason I had been a bit more agitated than usual is because of this book I checked out from the library -  My Hollywood by Mona Simpson.

It is what they called a domestic novel, discussing the relationship between a working mother, Claire and a immigrant nanny Lola.  I thought it would be a good read since I can relate to it -- I am a working mother and an immigrant.  It turns out that I can related it, only a little too much.  The struggle of the characters stresses me out.  The working mother Clarie, the musician seems to suffer some kind of depression.  She was unhappy, and unproductive.  Despite of having a nanny, she still does not get much work done.   Her marriage is almost non-existent, with her husband busy working without ever making it to dinner table.  Being a clueless mother who rather starves her kid than feeding him formula, I was on the similar and road before.  Till this day I still blame myself not insist on breast feeding on my son after his nipple confusion, wondering if my son's apraxia has any part to do with drinking formula.  I felt I was reliving some of the painful moments and was sinking again with her unhappiness.

The book switches between Clarie and Lola's point of view.  To make it more realistic, Lola narrates with a broken English.  It is very tiring to read.  Although a capable and loving nanny to the child, Lola remains a stranger to Claire.  There is certain coldness to it.  It reminds me my painful relationship with my previous live-in nanny and how she took advantage of our desperation.  It further makes me sad because Lola is probably the best nanny you can find and yet she would never be part of the family.  The book tediously describes how Lola describe in first person point of view, kept her distance, claiming money to send home is all that drives her.  She declines Claire's invitation to eat dinner with the family.  Like what she saids, "the Americans don't know what they want".  Lola is very wise.  She knows even though Claire invite her with all the sincerity,  Claire will be bother by the lack of privacy down the road.  It is that kind of truth about this mother-nanny relationship agitates me.  Despite they live in such closeness,  they are on the opposite end of a river that is too deep to cross.  There is no warm and fuzzy feeling about human relationship and only be reminded that it is impossible for the two women to be real friends, despite both are in need for a bit more love and care,  because the underline connection between the two women are money.

So I am going to abandon the book before it further rotten my mood.  I want something that will lighten up the day!  Maybe it is time to read the Twilight Saga my friend had tried getting me to read.

Here is a dress of the day.  I was thinking about returning this camellia dress because I bought it on sale out of impulse after seeing how wonderful Cindi looks in it.  I end up wearing it to change me out of the rotten mood.